A Letter to Chase

Below is a letter sent to Chase from my brother, one younger brother to another.

Chase,
On the occasion of your first birthday, I wanted to share some facts of life that I have learned while being the baby brother in a Dowdle household with two boys. First, notice the date of this note. I'm 3 days behind in writing it, and it still has to go into a box and get shipped with your presents. Lesson: It's ok to be a little late. "Better late than never" usually applies. Second, your older brother probably has more talent than you. That's ok too. The few times you manage to beat him at a video game, golf or some other game will be very sweet for you, and leave your brother wondering if he has already started to lose his edge. You'll know this when it happens because he will get really angry and refuse to play with you for a few days. Enjoy his pain. Third, your big brother will probably make your life miserable at times. Just hold on until you get to be about 8 or 9 and you soon will become his best friend. This usually occurs about the same time your brother starts to be interested in girls. He will do or say something stupid in your presence, pay attention. This is an opportunity to black mail your brother into letting you drive his car or something else equally satisfying. Used properly, this information can be used time and time again. Be careful, though. An astute brother can use this same tactic on you. Say little, listen a lot. Finally, learn to type as soon as you can. Writing notes like this one will give you cramps that will mess up your golf swing.

I've enclosed a few gifts that should help you build some of your strongest childhood memories.

1. Nerf basketball set. This is great for years of fun. Don't get stressed out if the net breaks or the dog chews the ball. This stuff is cheap and your dad should run right out and get you a replacement. Don't let him give you that "maybe for your birthday" stuff. That is just him being cheap and lazy.

2. Ping Pong paddles. You can use them for Ping Pong if you like, however, they are great for hitting just about any type of projectile. Unfortunately, these paddles are best used for hitting Nerf basketballs that aren't made any more. You can try to hit the one I've enclosed but I'm not sure what the result will be. The true test of any indoor baseball simulator is the screwgy. Your father should be able to teach you how to throw it. Once mastered, your brother won't have a chance to beat you at indoor nerf baseball. Remember, over the bar and into the wet sink is an automatic grand slam!

3. Table top football. To truly enjoy this sport, you must train to build the perfect paper football triangle. I have lost the skill for this activity in my old age. Until your hands are big enough to form a proper goal, you can use the enclosed game to hone your skills.

4. Musical Instrument. I've randomly selected the enclosed electric instrument for your experimental pleasure. It is necessary for you to get this out of your system as soon as possible. You don't want to be carrying one of those stupid black cases on and off the bus when you hit junior high. Those things are just an invitatation to get picked on by bullies and ignored by girls. Just ask your father.

5. Finally, your cousin Lucy wanted you to have a stuffed animal to cuddle with. This is ok, but don't let Seth find out. If he discovers that there is something that is near and dear to you heart, and/or helps to bring you peace during the rough times, he will take it away from you. He will hide it, he will pretend to flush it down the toilet. This is the best time to throw a huge hissy fit and see if mom and dad will punish him. It has to be done once in awhile to keep the natural balance of your relationship intact. When you're older, I'll teach you all the things I wish I had known about taking revenge on your older brother while I was a kid. Once you are strong enough to tear duct tape, Seth will have to start treating you better.

Well, that's it for this birthday. I hope someone takes the time to read these notes of wisdom to you. Remember, when the day comes that you get a present on Seth's birthday because someone is concerned you might throw a fit and ruin the party, you have them right where you want them.

Love,
Uncle Tim