44

Today is my birthday and I'm not sure how I feel about being 44. I don't feel 44 but also I don't feel I have accomplished nearly what I hoped to by this time.

First Day of School

Today was the first day of school for Seth and Chase. Seth is going into 2nd Grade and Chase is Kindergarten. It is always a hectic day because we aren't in a routine yet for getting up and getting ready, everyone is walking their kid in so the parking lot is a madhouse, and the halls are full.

So, we took our customary pictures and video but I didn't get to savor it. It was partly because it was crazy there, and second because I was preoccupied with going to work. I know I will regret it.

I don't want these days to go by too fast. Shelley and I are doing everything we can to take these days in. We have a ton of pictures and videos so we will have plenty of memories. Plus between the blogs and facebook, we will have captured a lot of the memories.

I am not ready for my babies to grow up yet, though.

Why Me?

God, why me? Why:

do I have a wonderful wife?
do I have 2 healthy boys who are not suffering from a disease?
was I born in the US and not some third world country?
do I have a job when others don't?
do I have a roof over my head when others don't?
do I not have to worry about my next meal?
do I have reliable transportation?
do I have a great family?
am I blessed with a wonderful mother in law?


These are just some of the things I wonder about Why Me?

God is not Boring

Yesterday as we were walking into school for Meet The Teacher I guess Chase had school on his mind.

He said, "When I went to Rainbow School all we learned about was colors and God. Colors were boring but God wasn't."

Living Alone

I spent my first night last night alone and it has made me really appreciate my family and all the craziness that brings.

I got up one time and walked bare foot from the living room to the bathroom and didn't step on a single lego and I was really sad about that.

4 days, 11 hours until I pick up Chase. 5 days, 3 hours until I pick Shelley and Seth up.

Money, Money, Money

I have been stressed out a lot about money lately. And I also have been experiencing some of that green monster, envy. It seems like all my peers at work are driving new cars. I then heard this song and it really leveled my head.

Home Alone

I am home alone for then next 6 days and I already think I am going to go crazy.

Chase has been in Oklahoma for the past few days and I really miss him. Our family isn't complete without him and this hasn't gone unnoticed by Seth. Once during dinner, Seth said "dinner isn't the same without Chase." Then last night when we walked in to church, Seth said "something is missing? It's not the same without Chase."

This morning I dropped Shelley, Seth and Tate off at Alasso Ranch for a week of church camp. When I walked in the house, I realized being alone was going to be hard. I don't want to ever take for granted the blessing that my family is.

Homesick

Can you be homesick and have never left your home? Well, I am or at least preparing to be.

Yesterday Chase left for Oklahoma and will be up there for the next 10 days. Then this next Sunday I am driving Shelley and Seth to Allaso Ranch where Seth will attend camp and Shelley will volunteer for one week.

I am already missing Chase and I am not looking forward to dropping Shelley and Seth off this Sunday. I am going to be alone next week and I dreading it. I don't think we all have been separated for this long ever.

While I will be sleeping in my own bed, I know I am going to be homesick. I will be posting and updating on my "condition."

Economics 101

Chase came into a little windfall courtesy of grand mama. So, with his new found wealth he decided to go on a little spending spree.

Yesterday, he went and bought some Phineas and Ferb sunglasses. Today, I took him out to Office Depot to buy a #14 Tony Stewart Office Depot chevy NASCAR model car.

On our way into the store he told me he got more money yesterday.

Me- "where did you get more money from?"
Chase - "when I bought my sunglasses they gave me more money. Am I going to get more money today?"

I love his economic model.

Praises

This week at church the message was about glorifying God and being thankful for all he has done. This isn't the first time I have heard a message on the power of praise so here are some things I am praising God for today.

1. You sent your Son to die for me.
2. Shelley
3. Seth
4. Chase
5. Shelley's theme of family this year and how much of our family we have seen.
6. My job
7. Having a roof over our head
8. Our wonderful church
9. Good friends
10 Our health
11. I don't have to worry about where our next meal will come from.
12. I'm home this morning with my boys.

Friends

I was sitting behind the boys when the picture above was taken. As soon as it was taken I thought about one of those coming of age movies where they start out showing a picture of a bunch of boys when they were kids and then you flash forward to them all graduating high school together. I wonder where all of these little boys will be in 10 years?


In the picture from left to right - Nolan Givens,Cole Ladrew, Isaiah Brogan, Cameron Bitz, Alex Ladrew and Seth

These made me chuckle

End of another week

It's Friday and we are approaching the end of another week. This week was marked with the boys attending Vacation Bible School at Compass Christian Church in Colleyville. They both had a good time but Chase had a few rough spots.

First we had the incident of the black eye which didn't turn into a black eye but it was still a nasty little cut. Then last night as a wrap up to the week the kids got to try and dunk the pastors in a dunk tank. Seth was successful in his attempt but our little perfectionist, Chase, was not. And this "failure" crushed his spirit and we had ten minutes of tears.

So, the challenge is how do we make the most of his desire to be the best but still allow him to fail?

The rest of the week included the first week of Cowboy training camp and the Rangers took 2 of 3 from Oakland extending their lead in the west to 8.5 games and their magic number is 53 (lowest in baseball).

Black Eye

Last night while the boys were at VBS I got a text from Chase's VBS teacher that said:

"Chase got a booboo but he's laughing & smiling. Want me to send ya a pic?"

I replied "No that is ok. Thanks!" figuring it wasn't that big of deal.

She replied - "OK. Got bumped in the face & his glasses cut his cheek. But he's tough! :-)"

Well, when we saw him I was taken a little bit back and I know Shelley was because he had a nice little gash in his cheek under his eye.

I am not sure what it will look like this morning but we prepared him that he might have a black eye. We then had to explain that a "black eye" was just a bruise around the eye and his eye wouldn't be black.

I'll post a picture when I get one.

Exhausted

I woke up this morning feeling really tired. So tired that I decided to "sleep in" and not go running. But, even after "sleeping in", I was really tired this morning. Just dragging...

Well, I got in the car to go to work, looked at the clock at it said 5:00 am and not 6:00 am. I paused, tried to process that bit of information, looked at my watch and was really confused. Some how I had got up an hour earlier than I thought.

So, now I am sitting in the living room about to rest my eyes for 50 minutes before going to work. I am really losing it..

July 28 2010

What to blog about?

I've taken my blog private so I can utilize this blog more as a journal and document more personal information that either Shelley and I or the boys will find interesting some day.

So, what to blog about? I don't know...

The boys are going to vacation bible school at Compass Christian Church in Colleyville. This is their third VBS this summer. I never went to a VBS and they have gone to 3 just this summer. I wonder if they will have fond memories of these events?


The Rangers have an 8.5 game lead in the West. Will they make the playoffs?

Cowboys have started training camp and the talk of the camp is their first round draft choice, Dez Bryant.

My job is still a struggle and is not fulfilling. My prayers continue to be to find my true purpose and do something with meaning.

Parenting

This is just a note to myself to remember how hard this parenting thing is. I don't want to look back and think, "oh, it wasn't that hard."

It seems Shelley and I are never on our A game together. When one is over reacting the other is the calm in the storm. We never seem to be rationale together. :-)

I wonder what Seth and Chase will remember from their childhoods? It might be their bi-polar parents.

Sleeping with Chase

Last night was another night when Chase came into our room to sleep. Shelley got up and went to his room, leaving just the two of us. Sleeping with Chase is an adventure and I feel sorry for his little wife some day. He is all over the bed and for most of the night I have his foot in my ribs. But, then his little hand will reach out and we will hold hands and that makes it all worth while.

I just try and burn that memory in my mind because I know it won't last forever.

Family Secrets

We have had one family secret since the boys were born. It really isn't a secret but we have never talked to the boys about it because they weren't old enough. Well, that all ended yesterday.

The secret has been that I was married prior to Shelley. We have held off on telling the boys until we thought they would better understand. Lately, they have been asking more about divorce and marriage because they have some friends who have parents that have been divorced. Shelley and I felt it was time because we never want to deceive our boys.

So, last night we turned off the t.v. and gathered everyone in the living room. I was pretty nervous and wasn't really sure how I was going to start the conversation. I explained to them that I had been married previously and they both took it well.

Chase was more focused on his legos but Seth did ask some questions. He asked what her name was, where she lived and why we got divorced. I answered all his questions best I could and he seemed satisified and was anxious to start watching Stars Wars Episode I. A boy must keep his priorities.

Thinking About Going Private

I have had this blog for 5 years and my activity on it has been sporadic. I once was very active and monitored the number of hits I was getting. Now, I have no idea if anyone reads this.

So, I am thinking about turning it into a private blog. If you read this and would like to continue reading it, please email me at jefftdowdle@gmail.com and I will give you access.