Her Needs

At church we continued our series on Adultery and this week Ed had an interview with a local Christian counselor, Jonathan Cude. Dr. Cude made many interesting points but his analogy regarding the construction of a swimming pool really struck me. He explained how when a couple builds a swimming pool they work together in picking out the shape, the color of the tile, what the deck around it will look like, what type of diving board, how deep it will be, etc. But, after it is built and they both walk out on the diving board and one spouse falls in, its not just that spouse's fault. They both participated in the construction of that pool. Meaning, that if one spouse has an affair, the non-adulterous spouse is as much to blame because they were a part of building the relationship to the point where an affair became possible. God meant for marriage to be a oneness and it needs to be approached as that.

He also talked about the very good book, "His Needs, Her Needs" by Willard Harley.

I could talk about "His Needs" but for me the most important thing is "Her Needs." These needs kind of make up my "job description" as a husband.

Her 5 needs:

1. Affection - Romance or non-sexual touching (apparently that exists).
2. Conversation - Being a good listener.
3. Openness and honesty - Needs me to be vulnerable.
4. Financial Security - Needs me to take care of her.
5. Family Commitment - Needs to know that I will be there for her.