I haven't used my Blog in the past for my own personal therapy but instead have chosen to limit my post to things not quite so personal. But, as I wrote in this post I think I might be going through a mid-life crisis.
Actually, I don't know what it is but since I am about to turn 40 I know everyone will assume that it is a mid-life crisis so that is what I am choosing to call it. Also, a crisis might be the wrong term because that implies some level of unhappiness and I am not really unhappy but I am really feeling out of sync.
Being "out of sync" is the best way I can describe how I am feeling. I feel like I am moving at a different speed than everyone else or sometimes that everything is moving either faster or slower around me. That sounds very odd, doesn't it?
I have been turning to God, reading my Bible a lot, praying all in an effort to try and understand this state I am in but I haven't received any enlightenment yet. I am starting to believe that the reason is that God is making me feel uncomfortable in order to initiate change in me. Well, it is working because I am very uncomfortable.
One of my strongest feelings right now is one of inadequacy. I feel I am not living up to anyone's expectation at this point. I feel I am not living up to expectations of being a husband, a father, a servant of God, or even expectations at work. I feel I am failing to give everyone what they are needing from me and I am letting everyone down or disappointing them.
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2 comments:
I think many men, if not most, go through a "mid-life crisis" about once every ten years.
We ask ourselves if this is where we thought we would be at this stage of our lives; is this what being a grown-up is all about; and, often, we ask, "What do I really want my life to look like if I ever really do grow up."
Hang in there, keep searching... God is big enough to answer the questions.
And then you can do it all over again at 50 :)
Bowden
Thanks for the encouragement.
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